I am apparently a glutton for self punishment.
I didn’t used to think I was, but time is proving otherwise.
I found, and still find, that it can be all to easy to fall into unhealthy habbits when you’re at your lowest. Picking at the wound so that it doesn’t heal is one way of keeping the memory of your baby alive, but it can cost you you in the process , so beware the insidious creeping of denial and self punishment.
When I’m shopping alone still find myself drawn to the baby isles with a strong desire to pick out clothes, even though in my heart I know that there is not, and will not be a baby to buy things for in my life. I still stand and look at the tiny booties and bibs with born in 2017 embroidered onto them, and little boy’s coats with dinosaurs…
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