I have had a great time in Bath this weekend, but despite that there were a few moments today where I was the #crazywoman crying in the street.
The lowdown is this. Birthday cards.
I saw an advert for Alice in Wonderland cards and went in, my bestie loves all things Alice and so I thought I would get a card.
Then what do I do, I go look at all the cards trying to see if there was one even a little bit right for Emmet on the 22nd October. Birth sign cards. Nope.
You are my Sunshine- Nope too pink.
Happy Birthday baby boy. Nope.
Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.
It became a bit of an obsession this afternoon. I went from card shop to card shop but nothing was what I wanted. Que crying episode 1 where I hid in a loo- gross…
Crying episode two- the more embarrassing one…
I saw an Anthropologie in Bath, I didn’t know there was one in England, but I’ve heard of it in books set in the US so I went in, holy cow stuff in there is expensive! I pootled about until I came across the kids section. There was the cutest cuddly brown rabbit there, literally the softest thing ever, and so I scooped it up and took it to the till. Finally, I had found something that actually seemed right. Not a card admittedly but it felt right.
‘This is perfect’ I thought, and tried not to think about the fact that one criteria for ‘perfect’ means ‘small enough to fit in an A4 sized memory box’…
The lady at the till (who was lovely) said ‘ohh a gift?’ And when I said ‘Yes’ proceeded to take off the price tag sticker which I thought was a nice touch.
I expected to be handed it back but nope; out comes the gift wrap!
I didn’t have the heart to ask her to stop as she was on a roll by that point, and already half way to finishing by the time I realized what was happening, so I was standing there like a lemon, feeling awkward and trying not to cry.
I didn’t want to say ‘no sorry, that won’t be necessary.’ I said it was a gift, I didn’t expect her to gift wrap anything. (Maybe I am sheltered in the wilds of Norfolk? Don’t you normally have to beg for gift wrap and then pay through the nose for the privilege?)
I couldn’t explain that it didn’t need wrapping because the tiny human it is a gift too won’t unwrap anything. Ever.
So now it’s all pretty and wrapped up in brown tissue paper, and I put it in my bag. Phew I think. Encounter over. Nope. ‘They’ll love it, I’m sure. Have a good day.’ She says as I try to get away as fast as possible without being rude. Because she really was lovely and the service was excellent.
I had a bit of a sniff and pretended to be engrossed in Google maps.
Awkward cry of the day number 3:
Bath Fashion Museum has baby shoes now, and kids clothes. They rotate the collection every now and then but it still came as a bit of a shock.
Thankfully the lighting is super dim to stop light damage and so I found a corner and gave myself a bit of a mental pep talk without anyone noticing that I was having a discreet sob.
I had thought that the Fashion Museum would be safe. Wrong. I have managed to navigate this trip without encountering any major blips.
No planned trips that could be potential emotional land mines. What I couldn’t plan for was passing toy shop after toy shop. Although thankfully now I have a teeny Niece those sort of things have become less daunting, I even pootled about in Baby Gap to see if there were any good summer clothes for Skye for next year in the sale. None of it was really to the in-laws taste, or mine. Although there were some cute af pieces and I was sensible and didn’t get anything just for the sake of it. Or stay long. I had a quick ‘Skye check’ as I call it and I was out. Zero incident.
Because I had passed the ‘test’ in the baby shop I thought ‘yeah. I’m totally fine now to just go out. Must be over it. Haven’t cried in public for ages.’ What I now realize is I am fine if I am mentally prepared.
E.g. Kids on street etc. Fine with that now.
Baby shops and baby gear. Fine with that now.
Unexpected baby stuff in presumed safe space = Big not good.
I was prepared for families with children, prepared to meet random babies. But not it seems for 100 year old baby shoes!?! Grief is effing weird.
The Jane Austen Centre was amazing though and serves really good tea. With soya milk! The staff are all in period costumes and go about being characters from Austen novels. If you are a massive nerd like me it is a super trip. The museum was sooo cool and had lots of costumes which I get a bit too excited over. (Art Textile geek as well as an Austen nerd over here 😊). No incident there as it was practicaly empty as I got there as soon as it opened. There was a que to get in as I left.
I had my picture taken with the forensic model wax work of Jane Austen too which was cool.
Also there is a big oil painting of Colin Firth’s Mr.Darcy *swoon*
I prefer the Kiera Knightly film for costume, but the BBC 5 part is the best for accuracy, and Colin Firth is hot. Sorry Mathew Mcfadyen. I like your Darcy more, but Firth is hands down the hottest Darcy, you look like a kicked puppy sometimes and I want to pat you on the head and give you a Bonio.
Glad to be sleeping in my own bed by tomorrow night, and I have Persuasion to keep me company. And if I finish it I can always read Pride and Prejudice for the 50th time… (well I stoped counting at 34. For a while when I was sick I watched and read it on repeat. It was a ‘safe space’ within the bounds of the novel when nothing drastically terrible happens to anyone who doesn’t deserve it.
I hope everyone is having a good summer.
Love and support always,
Surviving Miscarriage Together x