Desperately missing Emmet but also, I feel so strongly the need to mother something. Anything. Anyone.
It is consuming this desire. Unabating.
Those feelings just don’t go away.
I crave having a child to fill my arms. Nothing can replace my boy but I long for the day I have a living child.
It has been nearly a year since his loss and I so desperately want another baby. It can’t happen but that doesn’t stop the longing.
I want time to pass faster, to stop crawling by. Let me get past that final hurdle of motherhood that I can never pass with Emmet. I just want life to let me bring a child home.
My arms ache and my heart is full. I want to be a mother again. I want to no longer just dream of a family.
I bought this pin from Still a Mama’s website, I now await it’s arrival.
I need this tiny badge of honour. I need to be a mother but I don’t know how to do it with no baby on earth?
Where do I put this love and longing? I blog, I write, I use instagram, I make and I keep studying. I have my pets, my garden, my hobbies but nothing fills this gap.
It is nearly a year with these empty arms. Still no chance at a rainbow to ease this storm.
Still a mama.