22 letters to you. Letter One. Dear Réalta..

Dear Réa,

Today marks the first day of march. I have been dreading this month. I wish this was the month we got to meet you. To bring you home.

I heard on the Radio Lincoln County Hospital, sent out a request for donations for the Chapel of Rest. They want to be able to provide forget me not seeds, new Teddy bears and blankets to help children cope with and understand bereavement. I found a news article on it here.

Blankets and bears have to be new and bears need to be CE marked. I thought it would be nice to do on the date we should have said hello, instead of hello and goodbye being almost simultaneous.

I am struggling without you with us, perhaps, in some other universe we are waiting excitedly for you, or you have already arrived keeping us on our toes.

The what ifs sometimes feel like they might swallow me up whole but so far I can still see chunks of light.

I tell myself that this gets easier, but I don’t think living without you, or Emmet will ever be easy. You are nestled deep in my heart and I will always love you.

You were with us mere weeks but the duration isn’t what defines how much you mean to me and your daddy. We love you.

I hope you like the Teddy bears I got today, and the blanket and quilt I am making. The blankets are going to be finished in your colours, blue white and yellow, the crochet one is for the hospital like the bears. The patchwork one I haven’t decided yet.

I am trying to make sure your little legacy lives on,and your brothers.

It seems mad to think I am without you both, unreal, impossible. I still half hope one day I will wake up and this would all be behind us, but I know in no world do I ever have you both.

You are my favourite daydream.

Until we meet again,

Hugs always,

Mummy xxx

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