22 letters to you, day 10. Hello my love

10.03.18

Hello my love,

Today I slept a lot, and by a lot I mean today practically didn’t exist I slept so long, but I feel better for it. I often don’t sleep well, and sometimes my noisy brain keeps me awake at night. I miss you in times like those where my body aches and my mind can’t be still, but I miss you most in ordinary moments, where it takes my by surprise just how absent you are from me.

I tidied the shared apartment kitchen, swept the floor and checked the post to distract myself from wallowing in such thoughts. There wasn’t anything interesting in the post except a letter from my allergist, saying that after my in depth bloodwork I had done last time I went to the hospital, I need to have my thyroid levels and function checked and monitored regularly, and depending on how that goes decide on a treatment plan.

I am possibly going to end up being on first name terms with the bloodwork nurse again… I was hoping to avoid the need for regular blood tests at university. Although it could explain the tachycardia I keep getting, depending on what my levels show when looked at more in depth, it might be the cause for a range of issues I present with. I love it when I go in for one problem and the doctor identifies 3 more 🤦🏻 At least it means it can be monitored or treated. If it is my thyroid levels, then treating that might help get my heart rate down as its a possible cause for tachycardia. So, silver linings and all that! I would love to loose that particular symptom ASAP.

I hope that my low energy and increased symptoms can be explained a bit more if it is my thyroid functioning strangely, but who knows until testing? I will be interested to see what comes up.

I researched the results I was given in the letter, but they don’t make much sense to me. I should look at them when I feel more coherent and less emotionally fragile. Thinking in depth about health things isn’t happening today.

I tidied my flat after getting the post. My day was pretty boring and I just kept my head down and had as gentle a day as I could manage with mothers day tomorrow.

My friend is going through a rough patch so I met her at the train station late in the evening. She ended up staying round till the small hours of the morning, which is when I’m writing this. She had dinner with me and we talked till 3am. She just broke up with her partner and is struggling, and as misery likes company, it was good to sit together and have a good vent. I was glad not to be alone in my grief. Life, Love, Loss, they all bring people together. We ate a lot if dairy free ice cream and had deep talks and cried a bit. It helped.

Tonight I feel more at peace. I am going to go to bed and try to sleep, Sunday will be exhausting.

Fly high little star 🌠

Mummy 💚

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