5 happy things 19.11.17

My 5 happy things this week have been: 1. My exo-skeletal hip brace came a month early and omg it is amazing. I walked the dogs down the lane (with my parents for the weekend under observation as my meds are changed just in case,) extra dog, cat and bird snuggles have been great. I … Continue reading 5 happy things 19.11.17

5 Happy things 5.11.17

My five happy things for this week are: 1. Dog cuddles. I was at my parents house and while I struggled a bit with my family and 💯 remember why I moved out in the first place it was good to see the pets. 2. I went on a date with my partner for the … Continue reading 5 Happy things 5.11.17

Forgive yourself

If it was that easy I would be there. I know in my brain that logically it isn't my fault. But in my heart, I still feel every day that it is my fault. That I am to blame, that because my foolish heart thought it would be worth it more than once, that because … Continue reading Forgive yourself

5 happy things is back

5 happy things is back. Long story short I was very low, very busy an generaly a bit overwhelmed by life in General. I have started University and moved house twice in less than two months as I had a very poor experience in the first flat I was in. I was also dealing with … Continue reading 5 happy things is back

18th July 2017

18th July. Otherwise known as the date my denial started. This post will be TMI for some of you so you've been warned. I will admit I blocked out this day completely and acted as if nothing had happened. For 3 months. It is literally only in the last week I have even let myself … Continue reading 18th July 2017

My Pretty Peggy guest post.

Here's a little guest post from the lovely and tallented Erin of 'My Pretty Peggy' @myprettypeggy on Instagram.I'm Erin of My Pretty Peggy. I was diagnosed with premature ovarian aging and suffered many recurrent miscarriages for 9 years. Supporting others with a similar experience has become a passion of mine. This gift includes a small … Continue reading My Pretty Peggy guest post.

What I have learnt

#22daysofhope Day 18 'What I have learnt' What have I learnt? I have learned that: -I am stronger than I think. -I can love deeper than I ever believed. -Who I truely trust and rely on. -Honesty is key. -That I have come a long way. -That this road does not end. -That it is … Continue reading What I have learnt

Seasons

#22daysofhope Day 16. Seasons. (I have done every day on instagram but not on my blog. For mote content head over to @survivingmiscarrigetogether) Our seasons are Autumn and summer. When I think about it, everything seems to have changed so quickly in such a short amount of time. Emmets months are September and October, and … Continue reading Seasons

Today I didn’t

#22daysofhope I have now missed two days of my own project. Day 10-Signs and Day 11-honouring them. I would like to tell you that today I did a good job of honouring my babies by being the best person I could be, and by being patient with myself and gently letting myself experience grief with … Continue reading Today I didn’t

Commemorative portraits available

On my buisness instagram @zoe_makes I have started a croudfunding program to try to help more berieved families who have experienced babyloss. If you go to my instagram @survivingmiscarrigetogether you will see loads of pieces I have done so far. I do not charge for these pieces and therefore have had do do digital only … Continue reading Commemorative portraits available

And then there were 4???

Chemical pregnancy. It somehow seems very different from a Miscarriage. Losing Emmet was trauma and it hurt, badly. With pain both physical and mental. I don't know how to process it. Pregnant but no baby. Emmet, at his gestation had a heartbeat. This pregnancy was just hormones and poor management of the pill leading to … Continue reading And then there were 4???

Who I am. 22 Days of Hope 2

#22daysofhope Day two: Who I am. I am Zoe. I am Emmets Mum, I have had one first trimester miscarriage (Emmet 22.10.16) and one Chemical pregnancy in the Summer of 2017. I have genetic based indirect infirtility. I want to adopt in the future, and getting my degree is an important step and one I … Continue reading Who I am. 22 Days of Hope 2

I am whole in ways you cannot comprehend

I am broken but I am not an incomplete being. I am fully human. No less human because of my losses and neither is anybody else. My heart is broken but full. No less worthy. No less deserving. No less.

Who They are

#22daysofhope Who they are: Emmet David Arnold-Peirson, our little flame; and the reason this project exists. He is also the reason why I have met so many of you amazing loss parents. He left us 22nd October 2016 and was due 22nd June 2017. He is our first, and so far only child. Missing him … Continue reading Who They are

This time last year I was pregnant.

Planning. How to you plan to celebrate a life that was never fully lived? How do I wake up on the 22nd of October and know it has been a year since he was safely inside of me? How do I go through that day. Hell. How do I go through October. This time last … Continue reading This time last year I was pregnant.

Tonight

Tonight I am in agony. Tonight I cannot sleep. I want to sleep. I don't want to wake up tomorrow tired and sore from lack of sleep but I can't. Tonight is one of those nights where I am just awake with no end in sight. I miss Emmet so much. I want him so … Continue reading Tonight

Just let me bring one home

Desperately missing Emmet but also, I feel so strongly the need to mother something. Anything. Anyone. It is consuming this desire. Unabating. Those feelings just don't go away. I crave having a child to fill my arms. Nothing can replace my boy but I long for the day I have a living child. It has … Continue reading Just let me bring one home

What’s in a name?

On the 21st my partner came up to visit me at uni and we could be together for the 22nd. We stood looking at the window (admiring our handiwork as we have covered my window with static plastic wrap that looks like stained glass and gives some privacy) I have finally bought a frame for … Continue reading What’s in a name?

Over sharing and bottle stacking

So today the topic of bottle stacking in windows as a competitive uni tradition came up at tea with my flatmates (and their various hangers on who continually congest the dining area with their drunken slovenly and irritating juvenile behaviour) 6 flatmates (and their friends) for stacking 1 against (me) Any of you who have … Continue reading Over sharing and bottle stacking

The armour is on.

So I am a student now. University life has arrived and I feel a little overwhelmed by it all. My support network is now 2 hours away by car. I have raven blue hair. On the one hand I am glad to get away from the sometimes oppressive nature of my parents household, I am … Continue reading The armour is on.