Becoming accustomed to grief.

I am becoming almost accustomed to grief now, and if anything that is more terrifying than when it was all consuming. How can something like this become my everyday? How this is the reality we face is beyond my comprehension. If someone told me I would have two miscarriages, start university, and move house in … Continue reading Becoming accustomed to grief.

Green leaves

Green I can't really say why but green has become 'Emmets' colour, and Réaltas is blue. But it has. Enclosed leafy spaces where the light shines through and everywhere is green and bright remind me of Emmet, and big blue skies and starry nights make me feel closer to Reá. I like forests and groves … Continue reading Green leaves

Pipe dreams and the little things keep me believing

I see little things like this picture and I just suddenly realise how much I ache with missing Emmet. I want a little boy in my arms to look at this and smile and think off. I miss both my babies but it's hardest knowing that Emmet should be here in my arms right now. … Continue reading Pipe dreams and the little things keep me believing

Life is what it is

I grew up knowing a few people my own age who were in Foster homes or had a permanent care home place, and not placed with a family for adoption for whatever reasons. So by the time we all reached high school age and beyond they had spent pretty much all of their lives either … Continue reading Life is what it is

Therapy is nothing to be ashamed of.

I have been pretty absent lately and even abandoned my 5 happy things because I didn't feel up to facing what was going on in my head, which was silly as actually I found it a very helpful coping mechanism. In fact, blogging in general is a helpful coping mechanism. As is the community of … Continue reading Therapy is nothing to be ashamed of.

There may never be closure

Will we one day all be reunited? I like to think so, but some days I fear that they truly are gone forever. That my mother was right and that death is final. I envy people with unshakeable faith, a firm belief one way or another. I think there is comfort on both sides of … Continue reading There may never be closure

Happy 6 months little star.

My grandad once told me a story about a Tribe who believed that when people die they journey high up into the sky, and that the stars are their campfires. Réalti means 'little star' in Old Irish, and Réalta means star. One day I hope to build our own campfire, where nobody is missing and … Continue reading Happy 6 months little star.

5 happy things 19.11.17

My 5 happy things this week have been: 1. My exo-skeletal hip brace came a month early and omg it is amazing. I walked the dogs down the lane (with my parents for the weekend under observation as my meds are changed just in case,) extra dog, cat and bird snuggles have been great. I … Continue reading 5 happy things 19.11.17

5 Happy things 5.11.17

My five happy things for this week are: 1. Dog cuddles. I was at my parents house and while I struggled a bit with my family and 💯 remember why I moved out in the first place it was good to see the pets. 2. I went on a date with my partner for the … Continue reading 5 Happy things 5.11.17

Forgive yourself

If it was that easy I would be there. I know in my brain that logically it isn't my fault. But in my heart, I still feel every day that it is my fault. That I am to blame, that because my foolish heart thought it would be worth it more than once, that because … Continue reading Forgive yourself

5 happy things is back

5 happy things is back. Long story short I was very low, very busy an generally a bit overwhelmed by life in General. I have started University and moved house twice in less than two months as I had a very poor experience in the first flat I was in. I was also dealing with … Continue reading 5 happy things is back

18th July 2017

18th July. Otherwise known as the date my denial started. This post will be TMI for some of you so you've been warned. I will admit I blocked out this day completely and acted as if nothing had happened. For 3 months. It is literally only in the last week I have even let myself … Continue reading 18th July 2017

My Pretty Peggy guest post.

Here's a little guest post from the lovely and tallented Erin of 'My Pretty Peggy' @myprettypeggy on Instagram.I'm Erin of My Pretty Peggy. I was diagnosed with premature ovarian aging and suffered many recurrent miscarriages for 9 years. Supporting others with a similar experience has become a passion of mine. This gift includes a small … Continue reading My Pretty Peggy guest post.

What I have learnt

#22daysofhope Day 18 'What I have learnt' What have I learnt? I have learned that: -I am stronger than I think. -I can love deeper than I ever believed. -Who I truely trust and rely on. -Honesty is key. -That I have come a long way. -That this road does not end. -That it is … Continue reading What I have learnt

Seasons

#22daysofhope Day 16. Seasons. (I have done every day on instagram but not on my blog. For mote content head over to @survivingmiscarrigetogether) Our seasons are Autumn and summer. When I think about it, everything seems to have changed so quickly in such a short amount of time. Emmets months are September and October, and … Continue reading Seasons

Today I didn’t

#22daysofhope I have now missed two days of my own project. Day 10-Signs and Day 11-honouring them. I would like to tell you that today I did a good job of honouring my babies by being the best person I could be, and by being patient with myself and gently letting myself experience grief with … Continue reading Today I didn’t

Commemorative portraits available

On my buisness instagram @zoe_makes I have started a croudfunding program to try to help more berieved families who have experienced babyloss. If you go to my instagram @survivingmiscarrigetogether you will see loads of pieces I have done so far. I do not charge for these pieces and therefore have had do do digital only … Continue reading Commemorative portraits available

And then there were 4???

Chemical pregnancy. It somehow seems very different from a Miscarriage. Losing Emmet was trauma and it hurt, badly. With pain both physical and mental. I don't know how to process it. Pregnant but no baby. Emmet, at his gestation had a heartbeat. This pregnancy was just hormones and poor management of the pill leading to … Continue reading And then there were 4???

Who I am. 22 Days of Hope 2

#22daysofhope Day two: Who I am. I am Zoe. I am Emmets Mum, I have had one first trimester miscarriage (Emmet 22.10.16) and one Chemical pregnancy in the Summer of 2017. I have genetic based indirect infirtility. I want to adopt in the future, and getting my degree is an important step and one I … Continue reading Who I am. 22 Days of Hope 2

I am whole in ways you cannot comprehend

I am broken but I am not an incomplete being. I am fully human. No less human because of my losses and neither is anybody else. My heart is broken but full. No less worthy. No less deserving. No less.