My Pretty Peggy guest post.

Here's a little guest post from the lovely and tallented Erin of 'My Pretty Peggy' @myprettypeggy on Instagram.I'm Erin of My Pretty Peggy. I was diagnosed with premature ovarian aging and suffered many recurrent miscarriages for 9 years. Supporting others with a similar experience has become a passion of mine. This gift includes a small … Continue reading My Pretty Peggy guest post.

What I have learnt

#22daysofhope Day 18 'What I have learnt' What have I learnt? I have learned that: -I am stronger than I think. -I can love deeper than I ever believed. -Who I truely trust and rely on. -Honesty is key. -That I have come a long way. -That this road does not end. -That it is … Continue reading What I have learnt

Seasons

#22daysofhope Day 16. Seasons. (I have done every day on instagram but not on my blog. For mote content head over to @survivingmiscarrigetogether) Our seasons are Autumn and summer. When I think about it, everything seems to have changed so quickly in such a short amount of time. Emmets months are September and October, and … Continue reading Seasons

Today I didn’t

#22daysofhope I have now missed two days of my own project. Day 10-Signs and Day 11-honouring them. I would like to tell you that today I did a good job of honouring my babies by being the best person I could be, and by being patient with myself and gently letting myself experience grief with … Continue reading Today I didn’t

Commemorative portraits available

On my buisness instagram @zoe_makes I have started a croudfunding program to try to help more berieved families who have experienced babyloss. If you go to my instagram @survivingmiscarrigetogether you will see loads of pieces I have done so far. I do not charge for these pieces and therefore have had do do digital only … Continue reading Commemorative portraits available

And then there were 4???

Chemical pregnancy. It somehow seems very different from a Miscarriage. Losing Emmet was trauma and it hurt, badly. With pain both physical and mental. I don't know how to process it. Pregnant but no baby. Emmet, at his gestation had a heartbeat. This pregnancy was just hormones and poor management of the pill leading to … Continue reading And then there were 4???

Who I am. 22 Days of Hope 2

#22daysofhope Day two: Who I am. I am Zoe. I am Emmets Mum, I have had one first trimester miscarriage (Emmet 22.10.16) and one Chemical pregnancy in the Summer of 2017. I have genetic based indirect infirtility. I want to adopt in the future, and getting my degree is an important step and one I … Continue reading Who I am. 22 Days of Hope 2

I am whole in ways you cannot comprehend

I am broken but I am not an incomplete being. I am fully human. No less human because of my losses and neither is anybody else. My heart is broken but full. No less worthy. No less deserving. No less.

Who They are

#22daysofhope Who they are: Emmet David Arnold-Peirson, our little flame; and the reason this project exists. He is also the reason why I have met so many of you amazing loss parents. He left us 22nd October 2016 and was due 22nd June 2017. He is our first, and so far only child. Missing him … Continue reading Who They are

This time last year I was pregnant.

Planning. How to you plan to celebrate a life that was never fully lived? How do I wake up on the 22nd of October and know it has been a year since he was safely inside of me? How do I go through that day. Hell. How do I go through October. This time last … Continue reading This time last year I was pregnant.

Tonight

Tonight I am in agony. Tonight I cannot sleep. I want to sleep. I don't want to wake up tomorrow tired and sore from lack of sleep but I can't. Tonight is one of those nights where I am just awake with no end in sight. I miss Emmet so much. I want him so … Continue reading Tonight

Just let me bring one home

Desperately missing Emmet but also, I feel so strongly the need to mother something. Anything. Anyone. It is consuming this desire. Unabating. Those feelings just don't go away. I crave having a child to fill my arms. Nothing can replace my boy but I long for the day I have a living child. It has … Continue reading Just let me bring one home

What’s in a name?

On the 21st my partner came up to visit me at uni and we could be together for the 22nd. We stood looking at the window (admiring our handiwork as we have covered my window with static plastic wrap that looks like stained glass and gives some privacy) I have finally bought a frame for … Continue reading What’s in a name?

Over sharing and bottle stacking

So today the topic of bottle stacking in windows as a competitive uni tradition came up at tea with my flatmates (and their various hangers on who continually congest the dining area with their drunken slovenly and irritating juvenile behaviour) 6 flatmates (and their friends) for stacking 1 against (me) Any of you who have … Continue reading Over sharing and bottle stacking

The armour is on.

So I am a student now. University life has arrived and I feel a little overwhelmed by it all. My support network is now 2 hours away by car. I have raven blue hair. On the one hand I am glad to get away from the sometimes oppressive nature of my parents household, I am … Continue reading The armour is on.

Here comes Autumn you orange bastard

Apparently September 22nd is the first day of autumn. And while I would like to immerse myself in pumpkin and leaf everything, I now DO NOT LIKE AUTUMN. Post Oct 2016 loved it. Now ehhhhhh. Nope. Not feeling it. Because Autumn becomes October and I am pretending October isn't a thing. I want to. I … Continue reading Here comes Autumn you orange bastard

Strong 

This amazing lady is a fantastic mum to her three boys, this post struck a chord with me and I thought it might strike one with you too.

The Paradox Mummy

I saw this meme today and it struck a chord as it covered babyloss and infertility.


Baby loss and infertility are all consuming and both have the ultimate goal of a (living) baby.

I can recall doing all of this when we were trying for a baby before Toby arrived:

  • I knew exactly what day of my cycle I was on without looking at the diary
  • I could feel ovulation pains
  • I spent every day second guessing the slightest twinge or change in my body
  • I would count ahead 9 months all the time
  • I put fun stuff on hold ‘just in case I’m pregnant’ when it happens
  • I changed what we ate
  • I consumed more supplements than they had in Boots
  • I thought of wanting to be a mum from the moment I woke to the moment I went to sleep

Those points are the tip of the iceberg…

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5 happy things 25

I have been doing this for 25 weeks, not consecutively as was the plan but still. 25 weeks of honouring what has made me happy is a good thing. This weeks hapoy things are: 1. Butterflies 2. Yesterday evening I went to a BBQ and cuddled a 9 week old, deaf Dalmatian puppy called Luna. … Continue reading 5 happy things 25

To My Sisters in Loss

"However this happened, there was an instant connection. There’s a wall that comes down when you meet someone who can truly say “I know your pain”. Someone who gets how hard those initial days are, the holidays, the anniversaries, the anxiety, the secondary losses, and the day to day struggles. You can commiserate and even … Continue reading To My Sisters in Loss

Spectating room only

Many of the loss mums I first connected to following the loss of Emmet, are, now nearly a year later, pregnant again or anticipating the arrival of a rainbow baby, or are holding one in their arms already. Others have experienced another loss or losses. Only one other loss mum who I have got to … Continue reading Spectating room only