1 year and 11 months.

Dear Emmet, It's been a while since I let myself miss you. I try to live out my life as normaly as possible nearly two year on, although I always carry you with me. I kave your keepsakes in a box under my bed along with your sisters, and both of you have little knick … Continue reading 1 year and 11 months.

22 letters to you. Letter 16, Dear Réa 🌠

Hello sweetheart, I tried to write you a letter a day in March, so on the 22nd March you would have 22 letters before your due date. I didn't manage to do that and felt like a bit of a failure for not managing to meet my own goal for you, but my motherhood is … Continue reading 22 letters to you. Letter 16, Dear Réa 🌠

22 letters to you, letter 14. Dear Réalta.

Dear Réalta, Today was a good day. I was woken up at 6.10am by the fire alarm, it was a drill, but I had to evacuate in my pyjamas and it was not fun and very cold. Bar that drama and a very abrupt start to my day, everything has been nice. I visited a … Continue reading 22 letters to you, letter 14. Dear Réalta.

22 letters to you, letter 13. Dear Réa.

Dear Réa, It is 9 days now until what would have been your due date. In some ways yours is easier than Emmets, as I was pregnant so briefly there was little time to imagine bringing you home. I knew you were already leaving our lives. The packs I am putting together to donate in … Continue reading 22 letters to you, letter 13. Dear Réa.

22 letters to you. Day 11. Mother Day.

Dear Emmet and Réa, Today I started my day with a call from you daddy, which was exactly what I needed, but very early in the morning for me because I was still up by 4am the night before. I went back to bed for a few more hours after that. I spent a lot … Continue reading 22 letters to you. Day 11. Mother Day.

22 letters to you, day 12. Shodo and Hiragana

Dear Réa, Today I went to a Japanese Calligraphy class with my friends, it was spontaneous, well as spontaneous as I get, meaning I had a good 5 or so hours notice, and re-did my hair before we went out. I wasn't expecting to go out, but I think it was good for me not … Continue reading 22 letters to you, day 12. Shodo and Hiragana

22 letters to you, day 10. Hello my love

10.03.18 Hello my love, Today I slept a lot, and by a lot I mean today practically didn't exist I slept so long, but I feel better for it. I often don't sleep well, and sometimes my noisy brain keeps me awake at night. I miss you in times like those where my body aches … Continue reading 22 letters to you, day 10. Hello my love

22 letters to you. Letter 9. Dear Réa,

Dear Réa, Today was nothing particularly spectacular, I had a seizure yesterday. My flatmates called the ambulance but the paramedics didn't stick me so I avoided A&E. I was glad about that, today I had bad light sensitivity so I stayed indoors all morning. I should definitely get prescription sunglasses. I was squinting at the … Continue reading 22 letters to you. Letter 9. Dear Réa,

22 letters to you. Letter 8. Dear Réalta

Dear Réa, I think and worry often about giving you and Emmet siblings. Often it occupies a great deal of my mind, I go through every option, outcome, ideal and worst case scenarios. I replay both pregnancies I have had in my head repeatedly. It does not take as long as it should have. I … Continue reading 22 letters to you. Letter 8. Dear Réalta

22 letters to you. A love letter to those who gave me the title ‘mother’ Letter 7.

Dear Réalta, I feel as if I should write to Emmet too, but these are your letters, and I have written him hundreds of his own. I put aside these 22 letters. One for each day in March leading up to what should have been your due date. For a long time I didn't know … Continue reading 22 letters to you. A love letter to those who gave me the title ‘mother’ Letter 7.

22 letters to you. Letters 5 & 6. Dear Réalta.

05.03.18 Dear Réa, I may have had your brother with me for longer, but I have struggled more with loosing you. For a long time I wasn't even able to comprehend what had happened and that was a dark and difficult time. With Emmet I was terrified, unsure but excited. Pregnant with you there was … Continue reading 22 letters to you. Letters 5 & 6. Dear Réalta.