I am broken but I am not an incomplete being. I am fully human. No less human because of my losses and neither is anybody else. My heart is broken but full. No less worthy. No less deserving. No less.
Desperately missing Emmet but also, I feel so strongly the need to mother something. Anything. Anyone. It is consuming this desire. Unabating. Those feelings just don't go away. I crave having a child to fill my arms. Nothing can replace my boy but I long for the day I have a living child. It has … Continue reading Just let me bring one home
"However this happened, there was an instant connection. There’s a wall that comes down when you meet someone who can truly say “I know your pain”. Someone who gets how hard those initial days are, the holidays, the anniversaries, the anxiety, the secondary losses, and the day to day struggles. You can commiserate and even … Continue reading To My Sisters in Loss
I speak out because I need people to understand that baby loss is not just something that happens.
It is personal, inescapable, and you participate in that process, in that grief for every day after it happens until the day you die. I am not finding that my grief has lessened. It has grown both easier to carry and harder to bear. Every day you learn how to cope and every day you are faced with more milestones and should have beens and could have beens. Every day I grieve more for what we have lost together, as a family, and yet, it also gets easier. It is a paradox, it is both easier to go in every day and find a new normal, and yet, grief seems to be amplified by every milestone left forever un-reached.
So where do I fit? I don't really fit with the infirtility crowd that I mix with in this crazy club that is the baby loss community. My inability to have kids is not an inability to or a difficuly in achieveing pregnancy (although the success of such a venture is there to be debated... … Continue reading To which camp do I belong?
1. I held Emmets cousin Skye last Tuesday. She is adorable and I didn't have a meltdown. 2. I spent Monday to Friday with my partner and also saw him briefly on Saturday. Can't wait until after Uni so I can finally share a home with him -and get all of this vaguely long distance (Growing … Continue reading 5 happy things 21
Todays prompt is succumb. I was supposed to write this monday but was in fact to busy succumbing to my grief that all plans I had went out the window.
I can't believe how many names we have collected so far... I am devestated and honored to be able to write not only Emmets name on a baloon, but also to write the names or dates of 70 others at the last count.
This should have been written yesterday, but I didn't quite get round to writing it so I will have to do two today 😊 Today's prompt is remembering.
Japan’s miscarried (and aborted) embryos, fetuses, stillbirths and neonatal deaths, all have a unique name: ‘mizuko’, which translates as ‘water child’ or ‘water baby’. The rows of baby-like statues, which can be seen at many Buddhist temples in Japan, are called ‘mizuko Jizo’ – water child Buddhas. The Jizo serves a double purpose; the image both represents the soul of the deceased infant or fetus and is also the deity who takes care of children on the other world journey.
Navigating life at the moment is like trecking the Alps without a map in flipflops.
Healing together x
Seriously! You can't do everything. I should take my own advice. xx
Just keep swimming x 🐋
I love this
Don't beat yourself up if you don't always feel as complete as you would like
I love this. Some day's it's easier to remember than others.
Look after yourself x