Commemorative portraits available

On my buisness instagram @zoe_makes I have started a croudfunding program to try to help more berieved families who have experienced babyloss. If you go to my instagram @survivingmiscarrigetogether you will see loads of pieces I have done so far. I do not charge for these pieces and therefore have had do do digital only … Continue reading Commemorative portraits available

Who I am. 22 Days of Hope 2

#22daysofhope Day two: Who I am. I am Zoe. I am Emmets Mum, I have had one first trimester miscarriage (Emmet 22.10.16) and one Chemical pregnancy in the Summer of 2017. I have genetic based indirect infirtility. I want to adopt in the future, and getting my degree is an important step and one I … Continue reading Who I am. 22 Days of Hope 2

To My Sisters in Loss

"However this happened, there was an instant connection. There’s a wall that comes down when you meet someone who can truly say “I know your pain”. Someone who gets how hard those initial days are, the holidays, the anniversaries, the anxiety, the secondary losses, and the day to day struggles. You can commiserate and even … Continue reading To My Sisters in Loss

Personal

I speak out because I need people to understand that baby loss is not just something that happens.
It is personal, inescapable, and you participate in that process, in that grief for every day after it happens until the day you die. I am not finding that my grief has lessened. It has grown both easier to carry and harder to bear. Every day you learn how to cope and every day you are faced with more milestones and should have beens and could have beens. Every day I grieve more for what we have lost together, as a family, and yet, it also gets easier. It is a paradox, it is both easier to go in every day and find a new normal, and yet, grief seems to be amplified by every milestone left forever un-reached.

Gift Wrap

I have had a great time in Bath this weekend, but despite that there were a few moments today where I was the #crazywoman crying in the street. The lowdown is this. Birthday cards. I saw an advert for Alice in Wonderland cards and went in, my bestie loves all things Alice and so I … Continue reading Gift Wrap

Can I take a nap through October?

In a perfect world, I would have a one month 6 day old newborn in my arms and keeping me up all night. I would not even be thinking about a first birthday yet. Instead I am alert to the fact that although October might seem still some distance off, it is getting ever closer … Continue reading Can I take a nap through October?

To which camp do I belong? 

So where do I fit? I don't really fit with the infirtility crowd that I mix with in this crazy club that is the baby loss community. My inability to have kids is not an inability to or a difficuly in achieveing pregnancy (although the success of such a venture is there to be debated... … Continue reading To which camp do I belong? 

5 happy things 21

1. I held Emmets cousin Skye last Tuesday. She is adorable and I didn't have a meltdown. 2. I spent Monday to Friday with my partner and also saw him briefly on Saturday. Can't wait until after Uni so I can finally share a home with him -and get all of this vaguely long distance (Growing … Continue reading 5 happy things 21

Day 30. Quiet #MWAH2017

Today's prompt is quiet. Sometimes I like the quiet, but mostly I am not good at being quiet. I like noise, life, sound. I always have music playing. Turning the radio on is the first thing I do in the morning, and one of the last things to go off at night.  I try not … Continue reading Day 30. Quiet #MWAH2017

Day 29. Light #MWAH2017

Light. I often light a candle for Emmet, either at home or one of the ones at the church or the Abbey. Yesterday I went to the Norfolk show and made one out of beeswax. It was a deep forest green, I lit it last night and let it burn out.  Sometimes you need light … Continue reading Day 29. Light #MWAH2017

Day 26. Love #MWAH2017

Love makes family. Family means no one gets left behind or forgotten.

What to do when your friend looses a baby.

A wonderful and informative article from Limdsey from 'a pinch of yum'. Hi, my name is Lindsay. Mother’s Day is coming up and I’m thinking about this a lot because I am that friend. The one who lost a baby. I am probably the friend who you’re tiptoeing around. I might be the friend who has become a major … Continue reading What to do when your friend looses a baby.

#ForeverLoved Balloon Project success! 🎈🎈🎈Photographs and plans for next year.

22nd June 2017. #ForeverLoved Balloon Project photographs! If you would like to be included next year, please comment and names/dates you would like remembered, and contact details (email only please) if you would like a photographic copy of your babies name. Please note that it could be a while after June 22nd 2018 that you recieve your photos, as we are a two person team, who both have busy schedules, especially if we beat our target of 400 names for next year!

Tuesday forecast: Crying with a chance of dinosaurs.

Yesterday my Partner and I had a long emotional talk.  This week is a shit storm already. Whoop de do, we both have exams and our lost baby would be due. Great... Yesterday I asked my Partner if it was totally stupid that I think of he and Emmet as my boys. Even though we could never know their gender.  Turns out he thinks pretty the same way I do about them and so I was Happy/Sad crying half the night. He thinks of them as a tiny boy playing in the living room with plastic dinosaurs.

Day 17. Friend #MWAH2017

Today's prompt is Friend.  (Yesterday got away from me and I wasn't able to finish this blog post, so here it is on the 18th instead.) Friend. I lost a best friend in the time between now and last october, I also gained friendships, and worked out who is really going to be there for me when the shit hits the fan. 

Updates! #ForeverLoved Balloon project

I can't believe how many names we have collected so far... I am devestated and honored to be able to write not only Emmets name on a baloon, but also to write the names or dates of 70 others at the last count.

Todays beautiful things 16.06.17

'If you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face'-Roald Dahl

Day 14. Remember #MWAH2017

This should have been written yesterday, but I didn't quite get round to writing it so I will have to do two today 😊 Today's prompt is remembering. 

Mizuko ‘Water babies’

Japan’s miscarried (and aborted) embryos, fetuses, stillbirths and neonatal deaths, all have a unique name: ‘mizuko’, which translates as ‘water child’ or ‘water baby’. The rows of baby-like statues, which can be seen at many Buddhist temples in Japan, are called ‘mizuko Jizo’ – water child Buddhas. The Jizo serves a double purpose; the image both represents the soul of the deceased infant or fetus and is also the deity who takes care of children on the other world journey.

Day 12. Wound #MWAH2017

Today's prompt is wound. Some days it does feel like I'm wounded. Other days now I feel better. Slowly I am recovering and more able to take each day as it comes.