Sea mist and biscuits

Hello, I haven't been active on this blog for months really. Life is moving in and over time my grief is changing. No less keen or strong, but more rounded now, less sharp and more weathered. I think of my grief like sea glass, it isn't worn away, but the sharpest edges are blunted and … Continue reading Sea mist and biscuits

1 year and 11 months.

Dear Emmet, It's been a while since I let myself miss you. I try to live out my life as normaly as possible nearly two year on, although I always carry you with me. I kave your keepsakes in a box under my bed along with your sisters, and both of you have little knick … Continue reading 1 year and 11 months.

5 happy things 20.05.2018

I haven't blogged in a while but here goes. 1. The sunny weather is lovely. 2. I planted sunflowers, a dwarf variety for cut flowers and a tall verity. 3. I have begun packing for our holiday in Italy and its very exciting! 4. I used a lush bath bomb last night and it was … Continue reading 5 happy things 20.05.2018

22 letters to you, letter 13. Dear Réa.

Dear Réa, It is 9 days now until what would have been your due date. In some ways yours is easier than Emmets, as I was pregnant so briefly there was little time to imagine bringing you home. I knew you were already leaving our lives. The packs I am putting together to donate in … Continue reading 22 letters to you, letter 13. Dear Réa.

22 letters to you. Day 11. Mother Day.

Dear Emmet and Réa, Today I started my day with a call from you daddy, which was exactly what I needed, but very early in the morning for me because I was still up by 4am the night before. I went back to bed for a few more hours after that. I spent a lot … Continue reading 22 letters to you. Day 11. Mother Day.

22 letters to you. A love letter to those who gave me the title ‘mother’ Letter 7.

Dear Réalta, I feel as if I should write to Emmet too, but these are your letters, and I have written him hundreds of his own. I put aside these 22 letters. One for each day in March leading up to what should have been your due date. For a long time I didn't know … Continue reading 22 letters to you. A love letter to those who gave me the title ‘mother’ Letter 7.

22 letters to you. Letters 5 & 6. Dear Réalta.

05.03.18 Dear Réa, I may have had your brother with me for longer, but I have struggled more with loosing you. For a long time I wasn't even able to comprehend what had happened and that was a dark and difficult time. With Emmet I was terrified, unsure but excited. Pregnant with you there was … Continue reading 22 letters to you. Letters 5 & 6. Dear Réalta.

22 letters to you. Letter three. Dear Réalta

3.03.18 Dear Réalta, Yesterday I felt as if I was coping much better, but I was very glad that the snow meant everything I had organised to do was cancelled so I didn't have to leave the house unless I chose too. My new wheelchair came unexpectedly today and I am hoping it will make … Continue reading 22 letters to you. Letter three. Dear Réalta

22 letters to you. Letter two. Dear Réalta.

22.03.2018 Dear Réa, Yesterday I wrote your name in the snow along side Emmets. I couldn't take a good photograph and that was a shame, but it seemed fitting, that it was beautiful and impermanent. I am putting together a bag full of items to donate. I want to make lots of little quilted hearts, … Continue reading 22 letters to you. Letter two. Dear Réalta.

22 letters to you. Letter One. Dear Réalta..

Dear Réa, Today marks the first day of march. I have been dreading this month. I wish this was the month we got to meet you. To bring you home. I heard on the Radio Lincoln County Hospital, sent out a request for donations for the Chapel of Rest. They want to be able to … Continue reading 22 letters to you. Letter One. Dear Réalta..

Becoming accustomed to grief.

I am becoming almost accustomed to grief now, and if anything that is more terrifying than when it was all consuming. How can something like this become my everyday? How this is the reality we face is beyond my comprehension. If someone told me I would have two miscarriages, start university, and move house in … Continue reading Becoming accustomed to grief.

Pipe dreams and the little things keep me believing

I see little things like this picture and I just suddenly realise how much I ache with missing Emmet. I want a little boy in my arms to look at this and smile and think off. I miss both my babies but it's hardest knowing that Emmet should be here in my arms right now. … Continue reading Pipe dreams and the little things keep me believing

Forgive yourself

If it was that easy I would be there. I know in my brain that logically it isn't my fault. But in my heart, I still feel every day that it is my fault. That I am to blame, that because my foolish heart thought it would be worth it more than once, that because … Continue reading Forgive yourself

5 happy things is back

5 happy things is back. Long story short I was very low, very busy an generally a bit overwhelmed by life in General. I have started University and moved house twice in less than two months as I had a very poor experience in the first flat I was in. I was also dealing with … Continue reading 5 happy things is back

My Pretty Peggy guest post.

Here's a little guest post from the lovely and tallented Erin of 'My Pretty Peggy' @myprettypeggy on Instagram.I'm Erin of My Pretty Peggy. I was diagnosed with premature ovarian aging and suffered many recurrent miscarriages for 9 years. Supporting others with a similar experience has become a passion of mine. This gift includes a small … Continue reading My Pretty Peggy guest post.

What I have learnt

#22daysofhope Day 18 'What I have learnt' What have I learnt? I have learned that: -I am stronger than I think. -I can love deeper than I ever believed. -Who I truely trust and rely on. -Honesty is key. -That I have come a long way. -That this road does not end. -That it is … Continue reading What I have learnt

Commemorative portraits available

On my buisness instagram @zoe_makes I have started a croudfunding program to try to help more berieved families who have experienced babyloss. If you go to my instagram @survivingmiscarrigetogether you will see loads of pieces I have done so far. I do not charge for these pieces and therefore have had do do digital only … Continue reading Commemorative portraits available

Who I am. 22 Days of Hope 2

#22daysofhope Day two: Who I am. I am Zoe. I am Emmets Mum, I have had one first trimester miscarriage (Emmet 22.10.16) and one Chemical pregnancy in the Summer of 2017. I have genetic based indirect infirtility. I want to adopt in the future, and getting my degree is an important step and one I … Continue reading Who I am. 22 Days of Hope 2

Who They are

#22daysofhope Who they are: Emmet David Arnold-Peirson, our little flame; and the reason this project exists. He is also the reason why I have met so many of you amazing loss parents. He left us 22nd October 2016 and was due 22nd June 2017. He is our first, and so far only child. Missing him … Continue reading Who They are

Tonight

Tonight I am in agony. Tonight I cannot sleep. I want to sleep. I don't want to wake up tomorrow tired and sore from lack of sleep but I can't. Tonight is one of those nights where I am just awake with no end in sight. I miss Emmet so much. I want him so … Continue reading Tonight