Day four. WISH #MWAH2017

Wishes. If wishes were snowflakes I would have a blizzard. I wish a million things.

Coping quote 21

I love this

Coping quote 19

I love this. Some day's it's easier to remember than others. 

Things can only get better

If you're getting tired of my using song lyric puns for post titles sorry​ not sorry... It makes me laugh. My sense of humour is dogey and always has been. Bad jokes make me giggle, such as: Q. What do you call a laughing piano? A. A Yamaha-ha... I know. Terrible.  Point is I find … Continue reading Things can only get better

That app

I deleted it just now. The pregnancy tracker app. I used it, even when there wasn't a them to track anymore because it made me feel closer to them, but I've realised that all it was doing was taking me away, because it wasn't real anymore. I haven't needed to look on it for a … Continue reading That app

Trying to be greatful 

Anxiety is kicking my butt. Hard. Exams and coursework deadlines are looming, and 5 anxiety attacks in under two weeks has not been fun. The Saturday before last I succeeded in having a mealt down choosing new glasses frames. I had to go for a walk and try again, so that was embarrassing.  My Mother … Continue reading Trying to be greatful 

Rainbow babies. How to live without a happy ending. 

Article written by fellow blogger theparadoxmummy in regards to the Rainbow baby troupe for those of us without one.

The buisness of being Zoe

I've chosen to put my name on this blog for the first time. Why? Because it's mine. Because I want my mark on it. Because I will not be ashamed.

Today.

Today is the first 22nd that I have had school. Every other month this day has managed to fall on a weekend or holiday. It had to happen eventually; but why today of all days when there are no free periods and no breaks wherin I could just hide from the world? I was forced … Continue reading Today.

It’s here again

It's here again. That 1 day a month where it feels like I've been gutted and I'm just a walking shell.  It has been 4 months since we lost Emmet on the 22nd. Every month I think 'maybe this day will get better' and every moth this day feels exactly the same. Every month is … Continue reading It’s here again

Whisper support group

Surviving Miscarriage Together also runs a support group through Whisper  fing us here. Love and support always,  Surviving Miscarriage Together x

Limbo land

Warning this is a long mildly ranty post. Sorry x Some days I'm alright. Other days it feels like I died too, they just forgot to bury me. Or else I'm stuck in limbo land, it feels like I'm not really here, I'm not myself I'm just this other. I'm waiting for something, anything to … Continue reading Limbo land

Playlist Surviving Miscarriage Together 

Updated playlist I find music very comforting, and a valuable emotional release. I find it easier to cope with music. Here are some songs I have found that I found really helpful during and after my miscarriage. * means the song contains religious content, so you can avoid it if this is an issue for … Continue reading Playlist Surviving Miscarriage Together 

Five happy things 4

Then 'New Human' in the family is a girl and the in laws are calling her Skye. This makes me happy, being able to buy baby clothes with happy thoughts makes me feel like a ton of bricks has come off my chest after the grief of last week/ the last 3+ months. I spent … Continue reading Five happy things 4

Look up to the Skye and see…

Today I found out that my 'sister in law' (sorta. We'll call her this for simplicities sake) is having a baby girl, and that they plan to name her Skye. When I first learned that my brother and sister in law (on my partners side) were having a baby I was heartbroken, I felt so … Continue reading Look up to the Skye and see…

Piss off I’m just an auntie 

My partners brother (henceforth termed brother in law) and his partner are having a baby. People on my side of the family keep teasing me about knitting baby shoes when we gather to watch tv on a sunday with the whole clan together. 'Ohh are you expecting' 'Look someone's broody' 'It'll be your turn soon' … Continue reading Piss off I’m just an auntie 

5 happy things 3

My five happy things for this weeks My in laws are having a baby! There is now a use for ny hopeless urge to buy/make baby clothes  Seriously I. GET. TO. BE. AN. AUNT. AGAIN!(As I now claim all children of my partners siblings as nieces/ nephews as well as kids of my own siblings.)  … Continue reading 5 happy things 3

The future, maybe?

​I am doing my best at focusing on being grateful for what I have, and the chances and choices I have, rather than those which I don't.  I know it's not an option for us for ten plus years yet, (i.e. after the necesary goals of or a job and a house have all been … Continue reading The future, maybe?

Ode to health based infirtility 

​Mostly I just want to be a mother. A mother with a living, breathing, hold your hand as you cross the street child.  I now have a 20% chance of re-occurring miscarriage due to losing my first pregnancy. Added to that the 13% increace that is associated with severe joint hypermobility syndrome we're looking at 33%. … Continue reading Ode to health based infirtility 

Hopeful?

I don't really feel very hopeful at the moment. Actually all I feel is empty and numb and sad. I sometimes feel a bit disassociated with my life. Like there is now way this is happening. Time is not moving on, I can't keep up with it. I feel just a bit 'outside' all the … Continue reading Hopeful?