The Frenemy

The Frenemy. Mine is Facebook, I use the messanger app nearly every day to keep up with friends and family, but I can't think of the last time I actually went on Facebook unless it was just to untag myself from the random crap my Bio dad calls to my attention. I like unicorn stuff, … Continue reading The Frenemy

Too many moments

(I wrote this 4 days ago and I was really struggling. Today is fine but I had just had one of those days where the grief hit like a wave. ***Trigger warning. It may get a bit TMI in regards to miscarriage.*** It's a pretty good insight into what goes on inside my head on … Continue reading Too many moments

June

It's June. The month I thought I would be meeting my baby. Instead there is revision, exams. My due date is the date of my last exam. That fact does not escape me. I know I could never have had both, yet the one I have is not the one I would have chosen.  I … Continue reading June

Self-care for improved emotional wellness – This Tiny Blue House

https://www.thistinybluehouse.com/2017/04/26/self-care-for-improved-emotional-wellness/ This lovely lady is a mther of one lovely little girl and "5 angels'. She has some good points about self care and dealing with anxiety.

That app

I deleted it just now. The pregnancy tracker app. I used it, even when there wasn't a them to track anymore because it made me feel closer to them, but I've realised that all it was doing was taking me away, because it wasn't real anymore. I haven't needed to look on it for a … Continue reading That app

Trying to be greatful 

Anxiety is kicking my butt. Hard. Exams and coursework deadlines are looming, and 5 anxiety attacks in under two weeks has not been fun. The Saturday before last I succeeded in having a mealt down choosing new glasses frames. I had to go for a walk and try again, so that was embarrassing.  My Mother … Continue reading Trying to be greatful 

Safety net.

Safety nets, we all have them.

Hopeful?

I don't really feel very hopeful at the moment. Actually all I feel is empty and numb and sad. I sometimes feel a bit disassociated with my life. Like there is now way this is happening. Time is not moving on, I can't keep up with it. I feel just a bit 'outside' all the … Continue reading Hopeful?

Five happy things 2

Harry Potter quiz night was Friday, that was a lot of fun. And I met my partner for cake on the market cross and book shopping in the afternoon which was exactly what I needed. I am grateful for fluffy fluffy pjamas and fluffy socks because they make me happy even when I'm really sick. … Continue reading Five happy things 2

More links and resources 

http://www.momjunction.com/articles/ways-to-heal-your-body-after-a-miscarriage_00350190/?amp=1 http://www.momentsaday.com/15-lessons-learned-from-miscarriage/ http://mobile.nytimes.com/2013/08/04/opinion/sunday/the-trauma-of-being-alive.html?referer=http://www.momentsaday.com/15-lessons-learned-from-miscarriage/ http://www.withtearsoflove.com/?m=1 http://www.scarymommy.com/things-learned-after-recurrent-miscarriage/ http://www.scarymommy.com/sister-miscarriage/?utm_source=FB http://www.stylist.co.uk/life/miscarriage http://www.thedarlingdays.com/honor-a-baby-lost-through-miscarriage/ http://www.thedarlingdays.com/honor-a-baby-lost-through-miscarriage/ https://www.momschoiceawards.com/blog/three-things-i-wasnt-expecting-to-grieve-in-the-midst-of-recurrent-pregnancy-loss/comment-page-1/#comment-766?utm_source=pinterest&utm_medium=pinterest_pin&utm_campaign=pinterest_blog Kelly Farley’s book Grieving Dads: To the Brink and Back. The film Return to Zero

Resources for men

There isn't enough support regarding men and their experience with miscarriage, so I did a little research and came up with this  This will take you to the google search  Men and miscarriage leaflet the miscarriage association: online leaflet Cosmopolitan magazine article An article form the site 'the art of manliness' is available here. 'Baby centre' … Continue reading Resources for men

Time travel

​If I could go back to myslef in those early days of pregnancy, when I was in the middle of the whirlwind. I don't know what I would have said, or in all honesty what could have been done differently. But I know exactly what I would say to muself as I sat on the … Continue reading Time travel

Rising panic

The feeling of panic I get when I think that I may never have kids is difficult to explain. All my life I have planned for children; the 'Kids rooms' and 'Child care' boards on pinterest didn't start with the positive pregnancy test, nor did the obsession with babies and children. I love them, I … Continue reading Rising panic

My emotional journey

​I found that I was and sometimes still am really anxious after my miscarriage. I was low, I hated being around people. And the stress, grief, hopelesness and uselesness I felt in the immidiate aftermath especially was a toxic combination.  During the first few weeks I hated my body, I felt useless, I hated life … Continue reading My emotional journey

The stages of grief

​http://mobile.nytimes.com/2013/08/04/opinion/sunday/the-trauma-of-being-alive.html?referer=http://www.momentsaday.com/15-lessons-learned-from-miscarriage/ IN 1969, after working with terminally ill patients, the Swiss psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross brought the trauma of death out of the closet with the publication of her groundbreaking work, “On Death and Dying.” She outlined a five-stage model of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. Her work was radical at the time. It made … Continue reading The stages of grief

Self care box

​Partly inspired by: http://planpforpancakes.co.uk/how-to-make-a-self-care-box/ If you're feeling down at the moment, or as a just in case for when you need it, it can be a good idea to make a 'self help box' for when things get rough. And put comforting things in it. I'm putting together one for myself and here are some … Continue reading Self care box

Grief and anxiety after miscarriage 

For some reason the text in this post seems to be glitchy. I have no idea how to fix this but bear with me x Miscarriage is a trauma, it's not a medical condition that can be sorted with a prescription and some bed rest. It's emotional and physical, and while the physical traumas are … Continue reading Grief and anxiety after miscarriage