Dear Réa, I think and worry often about giving you and Emmet siblings. Often it occupies a great deal of my mind, I go through every option, outcome, ideal and worst case scenarios. I replay both pregnancies I have had in my head repeatedly. It does not take as long as it should have. I … Continue reading 22 letters to you. Letter 8. Dear Réalta
4.03.18 Dear Réa, Today I wore my brightest yellow jumper because I was tired of wearing dark colours all the time, and the weather is so grey. Even if I feel rubbish, bright colours make me feel cheerful, and wearing my sunshine jumper was the boost I needed to get me out of bed today. … Continue reading 22 letters to you. Letter 4. Dear Réalta.
#22daysofhope Day two: Who I am. I am Zoe. I am Emmets Mum, I have had one first trimester miscarriage (Emmet 22.10.16) and one Chemical pregnancy in the Summer of 2017. I have genetic based indirect infirtility. I want to adopt in the future, and getting my degree is an important step and one I … Continue reading Who I am. 22 Days of Hope 2
#22daysofhope Who they are: Emmet David Arnold-Peirson, our little flame; and the reason this project exists. He is also the reason why I have met so many of you amazing loss parents. He left us 22nd October 2016 and was due 22nd June 2017. He is our first, and so far only child. Missing him … Continue reading Who They are
I speak out because I need people to understand that baby loss is not just something that happens.
It is personal, inescapable, and you participate in that process, in that grief for every day after it happens until the day you die. I am not finding that my grief has lessened. It has grown both easier to carry and harder to bear. Every day you learn how to cope and every day you are faced with more milestones and should have beens and could have beens. Every day I grieve more for what we have lost together, as a family, and yet, it also gets easier. It is a paradox, it is both easier to go in every day and find a new normal, and yet, grief seems to be amplified by every milestone left forever un-reached.
This weeks 5 happy things are 1. My brother and his family were over in England from Germany this week in the same area we were on holiday so I saw my older brother, my sister in law, nephew and step niece. It was fantastic! We met up with them twice in one week. 2. … Continue reading 5 happy things 24
Going to do a few extra as I have been bad at keeping up to date with my 5 happy things a week lately. 1. Forest School was good fun. I genuinely enjoyed my time working there this summer. 2. Nephew cuddles every day for a week. Need I say more. 3. On the first … Continue reading 5 happy things 22
I know I have been somewhat absent from the blogging. I have posts half written but I can't seem to find anything left to finish them. Bar this one, but it's more of a 'such and such' has been happening rather than a 'I am feeling' post, which is what I'm currently failing to write. … Continue reading Absence
Emmets Gran (EG)- Oh what are you making? Me- Occupational Therapist told me knitting was good, I'm making a cowel scarf, trying to do this checkered pattern. EG- Not another baby blanket then. Me- No Skye has enough I think. Any more and you'll have to dig her out of the blanket pile. EG- Another … Continue reading ‘Personally I wouldn’t have bothered’ -Emmets Gran
A selection of some of the beautiful things I have seen this week while camping in Cornwall ⛺
Soothe. Lots of things soothe me. Hugs from my partner, phone calls when you just need to hear someones voice. Post cards from my Grandma, always with serene photographs, the same loopy handwriting we struggle to decode, the same message of love and thoughtfulness in every immaculately straight line of print. Hearing birds sing outside, … Continue reading Day 27. Soothe #MWAH2017
I was surprised to find beauty today amongst this weeks crazy, but I did and here it is.
I'm a day late for my 5 Happy things, but Fathers day was hectic and emotional and I just didn't get round to it. I was dealing with family and then I hibernated a bit instead of writing and watched Sense 8 on Netflix and revised.
Today's prompt is wound. Some days it does feel like I'm wounded. Other days now I feel better. Slowly I am recovering and more able to take each day as it comes.
I did one yesterday too but it isn't something I plan on doing every day, just days I feel something is worth sharing.
Today I managed to time my errand at exactly the wrong moment. There were obviously lots of primary age kids, but also a lit of toddlers, babies, prams and pregnant women. There were hoards of grannies shepherding their small charges down the main street to the post office.
Every moment of my life is now coloured by their absence. Every family photo will have a gap, every photograph I see of myself there is no bump, no Emmet. We won't meet them on the 22nd June. Instead that day is just one we will have to endure.
Today has been 7 months.
The saddest possible thing is that this little shoe is bigger than my baby ever was, although they we're meant to wear it. The saddest possible thing is that I only have one, their Daddy has the other. The saddest possible thing is that I have had that shoe longer than I ever carried them, … Continue reading The saddest possible thing.