It's been a long time since I've needed to write here, nearly 3 years later after loosing Emmet, and nearly two after loosing Réa I find my grief is usually more white noise than radio chatter or a blasting song. Tonight my metaphoric radio of grief is blasting full force and I have learnt to … Continue reading The song of grief
Well. Here we are. Welcome to hell. Just have to get through today. Looking forward is probbably the wrong way to describe it, but I am 'anticipating' out balloon project later today. #ForeverLoved
*Contains religious content (christian). If Angel babies aren't for you then I apologize in advance, but it has helped me.
I am doing my best at focusing on being grateful for what I have, and the chances and choices I have, rather than those which I don't. I know it's not an option for us for ten plus years yet, (i.e. after the necesary goals of or a job and a house have all been … Continue reading The future, maybe?
Mostly I just want to be a mother. A mother with a living, breathing, hold your hand as you cross the street child. I now have a 20% chance of re-occurring miscarriage due to losing my first pregnancy. Added to that the 13% increace that is associated with severe joint hypermobility syndrome we're looking at 33%. … Continue reading Ode to health based infirtility
We're now at what would have been the 20 weeks point. We would have ultrasound pictures and know what their gender would have been. We'd have been able to feel them move for a while. At this stage they look human, not like a blob of cells. I look at images of babies in the … Continue reading Who I’ve been
We're talking about our future again, we haven't for a while. We just stopped because it didn't really feel like there was a future. We just moved forward each day and kept our heads down clinging on to each other. It feels less like drowning. I made a cushion. It doesn't sound like a lot … Continue reading We’re talking about the future
Mostly now I can feel myself ever so slowly creeping forward to a place where I might just be able to move on, to move forward from this. Not that it will ever not be a part of me, but I cannot and will not let my past define me. I am a mother yes, … Continue reading Those out of the blue days…
http://www.momjunction.com/articles/ways-to-heal-your-body-after-a-miscarriage_00350190/?amp=1 http://www.momentsaday.com/15-lessons-learned-from-miscarriage/ http://mobile.nytimes.com/2013/08/04/opinion/sunday/the-trauma-of-being-alive.html?referer=http://www.momentsaday.com/15-lessons-learned-from-miscarriage/ http://www.withtearsoflove.com/?m=1 http://www.scarymommy.com/things-learned-after-recurrent-miscarriage/ http://www.scarymommy.com/sister-miscarriage/?utm_source=FB http://www.stylist.co.uk/life/miscarriage http://www.thedarlingdays.com/honor-a-baby-lost-through-miscarriage/ http://www.thedarlingdays.com/honor-a-baby-lost-through-miscarriage/ https://www.momschoiceawards.com/blog/three-things-i-wasnt-expecting-to-grieve-in-the-midst-of-recurrent-pregnancy-loss/comment-page-1/#comment-766?utm_source=pinterest&utm_medium=pinterest_pin&utm_campaign=pinterest_blog Kelly Farley’s book Grieving Dads: To the Brink and Back. The film Return to Zero
A little somthing for the fathers. Christian/faith based sentiment. Still sweet.
There isn't enough support regarding men and their experience with miscarriage, so I did a little research and came up with this This will take you to the google search Men and miscarriage leaflet the miscarriage association: online leaflet Cosmopolitan magazine article An article form the site 'the art of manliness' is available here. 'Baby centre' … Continue reading Resources for men
You take your joy when you can get it in times like these, and today my joy was, of all things turnips. I got the app notification which now tells me how many weeks along I would have been, rather than tracking a pregnancy. I originally deleted it to save myself heartache, yet I found more … Continue reading Little turnip…
Morrison's baby section, lovingly placed opposite the self service till which I frequent regularly now interups what used to be a calming and enjoyable lunchtime sabbatical. When I'm getting my lunch it never fails to find new ways of stabbing me in the tender spot where my heart is still trying to stitch itself back … Continue reading Dinosaur hat
I don't believe in heaven Yet still I talk to you I think that you can hear me, I hope that it is true. You are my precious baby. I'll love you all my life, Though we never got to hold you, and the pain cuts like a knife. Talking makes it less like I … Continue reading Family tree
If I could go back to myslef in those early days of pregnancy, when I was in the middle of the whirlwind. I don't know what I would have said, or in all honesty what could have been done differently. But I know exactly what I would say to muself as I sat on the … Continue reading Time travel
The feeling of panic I get when I think that I may never have kids is difficult to explain. All my life I have planned for children; the 'Kids rooms' and 'Child care' boards on pinterest didn't start with the positive pregnancy test, nor did the obsession with babies and children. I love them, I … Continue reading Rising panic
Boxing day Hallelujah. We made it. Love and support always. Surviving Miscarriage Together Zoe x