22 letters to you. Letter One. Dear Réalta..

Dear Réa, Today marks the first day of march. I have been dreading this month. I wish this was the month we got to meet you. To bring you home. I heard on the Radio Lincoln County Hospital, sent out a request for donations for the Chapel of Rest. They want to be able to … Continue reading 22 letters to you. Letter One. Dear Réalta..

Massive break down

Navigating life at the moment is like trecking the Alps without a map in flipflops.

Day 5. Empty #MWAH2017

Empty arms

Playlist Surviving Miscarriage Together 

Updated playlist I find music very comforting, and a valuable emotional release. I find it easier to cope with music. Here are some songs I have found that I found really helpful during and after my miscarriage. * means the song contains religious content, so you can avoid it if this is an issue for … Continue reading Playlist Surviving Miscarriage Together 

Look up to the Skye and see…

Today I found out that my 'sister in law' (sorta. We'll call her this for simplicities sake) is having a baby girl, and that they plan to name her Skye. When I first learned that my brother and sister in law (on my partners side) were having a baby I was heartbroken, I felt so … Continue reading Look up to the Skye and see…

Piss off I’m just an auntie 

My partners brother (henceforth termed brother in law) and his partner are having a baby. People on my side of the family keep teasing me about knitting baby shoes when we gather to watch tv on a sunday with the whole clan together. 'Ohh are you expecting' 'Look someone's broody' 'It'll be your turn soon' … Continue reading Piss off I’m just an auntie 

5 happy things 3

My five happy things for this weeks My in laws are having a baby! There is now a use for ny hopeless urge to buy/make baby clothes  Seriously I. GET. TO. BE. AN. AUNT. AGAIN!(As I now claim all children of my partners siblings as nieces/ nephews as well as kids of my own siblings.)  … Continue reading 5 happy things 3

The future, maybe?

​I am doing my best at focusing on being grateful for what I have, and the chances and choices I have, rather than those which I don't.  I know it's not an option for us for ten plus years yet, (i.e. after the necesary goals of or a job and a house have all been … Continue reading The future, maybe?

Ode to health based infirtility 

​Mostly I just want to be a mother. A mother with a living, breathing, hold your hand as you cross the street child.  I now have a 20% chance of re-occurring miscarriage due to losing my first pregnancy. Added to that the 13% increace that is associated with severe joint hypermobility syndrome we're looking at 33%. … Continue reading Ode to health based infirtility 

Hopeful?

I don't really feel very hopeful at the moment. Actually all I feel is empty and numb and sad. I sometimes feel a bit disassociated with my life. Like there is now way this is happening. Time is not moving on, I can't keep up with it. I feel just a bit 'outside' all the … Continue reading Hopeful?

Five happy things 2

Harry Potter quiz night was Friday, that was a lot of fun. And I met my partner for cake on the market cross and book shopping in the afternoon which was exactly what I needed. I am grateful for fluffy fluffy pjamas and fluffy socks because they make me happy even when I'm really sick. … Continue reading Five happy things 2

Who I’ve been

We're now at what would have been the 20 weeks point. We would have ultrasound pictures and know what their gender would have been. We'd have been able to feel them move for a while.  At this stage they look human, not like a blob of cells. I look at images of babies in the … Continue reading Who I’ve been

Stillborn support 

https://juliasmomblog.wordpress.com/2017/02/01/what-they-dont-tell-you-about-losing-a-baby/

We’re talking about the future 

We're talking about our future again, we haven't for a while. We just stopped because it didn't really feel like there was a future. We just moved forward each day and kept our heads down clinging on to each other.  It feels less like drowning. I made a cushion. It doesn't sound like a lot … Continue reading We’re talking about the future 

Those out of the blue days…

Mostly now I can feel myself ever so slowly creeping forward to a place where I might just be able to move on, to move forward from this. Not that it will ever not be a part of me, but I cannot and will not let my past define me. I am a mother yes, … Continue reading Those out of the blue days…

More links and resources 

http://www.momjunction.com/articles/ways-to-heal-your-body-after-a-miscarriage_00350190/?amp=1 http://www.momentsaday.com/15-lessons-learned-from-miscarriage/ http://mobile.nytimes.com/2013/08/04/opinion/sunday/the-trauma-of-being-alive.html?referer=http://www.momentsaday.com/15-lessons-learned-from-miscarriage/ http://www.withtearsoflove.com/?m=1 http://www.scarymommy.com/things-learned-after-recurrent-miscarriage/ http://www.scarymommy.com/sister-miscarriage/?utm_source=FB http://www.stylist.co.uk/life/miscarriage http://www.thedarlingdays.com/honor-a-baby-lost-through-miscarriage/ http://www.thedarlingdays.com/honor-a-baby-lost-through-miscarriage/ https://www.momschoiceawards.com/blog/three-things-i-wasnt-expecting-to-grieve-in-the-midst-of-recurrent-pregnancy-loss/comment-page-1/#comment-766?utm_source=pinterest&utm_medium=pinterest_pin&utm_campaign=pinterest_blog Kelly Farley’s book Grieving Dads: To the Brink and Back. The film Return to Zero

Coping quotes 9

A little somthing for the fathers. Christian/faith based sentiment. Still sweet.

Resources for men

There isn't enough support regarding men and their experience with miscarriage, so I did a little research and came up with this  This will take you to the google search  Men and miscarriage leaflet the miscarriage association: online leaflet Cosmopolitan magazine article An article form the site 'the art of manliness' is available here. 'Baby centre' … Continue reading Resources for men

Little turnip…

You take your joy when you can get it in times like these, and today my joy was, of all things turnips. I got the app notification which now tells me how many weeks along I would have been, rather than tracking a pregnancy.  I originally deleted it to save myself heartache, yet I found more … Continue reading Little turnip…

Dinosaur hat

Morrison's baby section, lovingly placed opposite the self service till which I frequent regularly now interups what used to be a calming and enjoyable lunchtime sabbatical. When I'm getting my lunch it never fails to find new ways of stabbing me in the tender spot where my heart is still trying to stitch itself back … Continue reading Dinosaur hat