Hello, I haven't been active on this blog for months really. Life is moving in and over time my grief is changing. No less keen or strong, but more rounded now, less sharp and more weathered. I think of my grief like sea glass, it isn't worn away, but the sharpest edges are blunted and … Continue reading Sea mist and biscuits
I know I've been pretty sporadic in my posting, both here and on the 'gram, but I have been filling my days with as much as possible and not stopping because the sadness if waiting if I stop and until now I haven't really felt like facing it. I saw my niece of Tuesday, she's … Continue reading Let’s talk mental health – Dissassosiation
Hello sweetheart, I tried to write you a letter a day in March, so on the 22nd March you would have 22 letters before your due date. I didn't manage to do that and felt like a bit of a failure for not managing to meet my own goal for you, but my motherhood is … Continue reading 22 letters to you. Letter 16, Dear Réa 🌠
I haven't blogged in a while but here goes. 1. The sunny weather is lovely. 2. I planted sunflowers, a dwarf variety for cut flowers and a tall verity. 3. I have begun packing for our holiday in Italy and its very exciting! 4. I used a lush bath bomb last night and it was … Continue reading 5 happy things 20.05.2018
Dear Réalta, Today was a good day. I was woken up at 6.10am by the fire alarm, it was a drill, but I had to evacuate in my pyjamas and it was not fun and very cold. Bar that drama and a very abrupt start to my day, everything has been nice. I visited a … Continue reading 22 letters to you, letter 14. Dear Réalta.
Dear Réa, It is 9 days now until what would have been your due date. In some ways yours is easier than Emmets, as I was pregnant so briefly there was little time to imagine bringing you home. I knew you were already leaving our lives. The packs I am putting together to donate in … Continue reading 22 letters to you, letter 13. Dear Réa.
Dear Réa, Today I went to a Japanese Calligraphy class with my friends, it was spontaneous, well as spontaneous as I get, meaning I had a good 5 or so hours notice, and re-did my hair before we went out. I wasn't expecting to go out, but I think it was good for me not … Continue reading 22 letters to you, day 12. Shodo and Hiragana
05.03.18 Dear Réa, I may have had your brother with me for longer, but I have struggled more with loosing you. For a long time I wasn't even able to comprehend what had happened and that was a dark and difficult time. With Emmet I was terrified, unsure but excited. Pregnant with you there was … Continue reading 22 letters to you. Letters 5 & 6. Dear Réalta.
3.03.18 Dear Réalta, Yesterday I felt as if I was coping much better, but I was very glad that the snow meant everything I had organised to do was cancelled so I didn't have to leave the house unless I chose too. My new wheelchair came unexpectedly today and I am hoping it will make … Continue reading 22 letters to you. Letter three. Dear Réalta
22.03.2018 Dear Réa, Yesterday I wrote your name in the snow along side Emmets. I couldn't take a good photograph and that was a shame, but it seemed fitting, that it was beautiful and impermanent. I am putting together a bag full of items to donate. I want to make lots of little quilted hearts, … Continue reading 22 letters to you. Letter two. Dear Réalta.
Dear Réa, Today marks the first day of march. I have been dreading this month. I wish this was the month we got to meet you. To bring you home. I heard on the Radio Lincoln County Hospital, sent out a request for donations for the Chapel of Rest. They want to be able to … Continue reading 22 letters to you. Letter One. Dear Réalta..
I am becoming almost accustomed to grief now, and if anything that is more terrifying than when it was all consuming. How can something like this become my everyday? How this is the reality we face is beyond my comprehension. If someone told me I would have two miscarriages, start university, and move house in … Continue reading Becoming accustomed to grief.
Green I can't really say why but green has become 'Emmets' colour, and Réaltas is blue. But it has. Enclosed leafy spaces where the light shines through and everywhere is green and bright remind me of Emmet, and big blue skies and starry nights make me feel closer to Reá. I like forests and groves … Continue reading Green leaves
My grandad once told me a story about a Tribe who believed that when people die they journey high up into the sky, and that the stars are their campfires. Réalti means 'little star' in Old Irish, and Réalta means star. One day I hope to build our own campfire, where nobody is missing and … Continue reading Happy 6 months little star.
On my buisness instagram @zoe_makes I have started a croudfunding program to try to help more berieved families who have experienced babyloss. If you go to my instagram @survivingmiscarrigetogether you will see loads of pieces I have done so far. I do not charge for these pieces and therefore have had do do digital only … Continue reading Commemorative portraits available
#22daysofhope Day two: Who I am. I am Zoe. I am Emmets Mum, I have had one first trimester miscarriage (Emmet 22.10.16) and one Chemical pregnancy in the Summer of 2017. I have genetic based indirect infirtility. I want to adopt in the future, and getting my degree is an important step and one I … Continue reading Who I am. 22 Days of Hope 2
#22daysofhope Who they are: Emmet David Arnold-Peirson, our little flame; and the reason this project exists. He is also the reason why I have met so many of you amazing loss parents. He left us 22nd October 2016 and was due 22nd June 2017. He is our first, and so far only child. Missing him … Continue reading Who They are
"However this happened, there was an instant connection. There’s a wall that comes down when you meet someone who can truly say “I know your pain”. Someone who gets how hard those initial days are, the holidays, the anniversaries, the anxiety, the secondary losses, and the day to day struggles. You can commiserate and even … Continue reading To My Sisters in Loss
I speak out because I need people to understand that baby loss is not just something that happens.
It is personal, inescapable, and you participate in that process, in that grief for every day after it happens until the day you die. I am not finding that my grief has lessened. It has grown both easier to carry and harder to bear. Every day you learn how to cope and every day you are faced with more milestones and should have beens and could have beens. Every day I grieve more for what we have lost together, as a family, and yet, it also gets easier. It is a paradox, it is both easier to go in every day and find a new normal, and yet, grief seems to be amplified by every milestone left forever un-reached.
Mother's day looms. I'm not sure how I feel about that. I'm sort of stuck in limbo in regards to motherhood. I'm not exactly happy about it. Normally I'm good at handmade cards for my Mother and Grandmothers, but this year I don't really want to have anything to do with it. I'd prefer to … Continue reading Mother’s day looms