22 letters to you. Letters 5 & 6. Dear Réalta.

05.03.18 Dear Réa, I may have had your brother with me for longer, but I have struggled more with loosing you. For a long time I wasn't even able to comprehend what had happened and that was a dark and difficult time. With Emmet I was terrified, unsure but excited. Pregnant with you there was … Continue reading 22 letters to you. Letters 5 & 6. Dear Réalta.

International Bereaved Mother’s Day 

Apparently 7th March is International Bereaved Mothers Day

Mother’s day looms

Mother's day looms. I'm not sure how I feel about that. I'm sort of stuck in limbo in regards to motherhood.  I'm not exactly happy about it. Normally I'm good at handmade cards for my Mother and Grandmothers, but this year I don't really want to have anything to do with it. I'd prefer to … Continue reading Mother’s day looms

Jack Valentine’s

Jack Valentine or Valentine's knock, is a tradition in Norfolk and my family of essentially playing 'ding dong ditch' with gifts on the doorsteps or windows of a house for the kids. These gifts are 'left' by Jack Valentine (or a helpful and hopefully speedy neighbour) for the children on the doorstep every Valentine's day evening. When February … Continue reading Jack Valentine’s

The future, maybe?

​I am doing my best at focusing on being grateful for what I have, and the chances and choices I have, rather than those which I don't.  I know it's not an option for us for ten plus years yet, (i.e. after the necesary goals of or a job and a house have all been … Continue reading The future, maybe?

Who I’ve been

We're now at what would have been the 20 weeks point. We would have ultrasound pictures and know what their gender would have been. We'd have been able to feel them move for a while.  At this stage they look human, not like a blob of cells. I look at images of babies in the … Continue reading Who I’ve been

Stillborn support 

https://juliasmomblog.wordpress.com/2017/02/01/what-they-dont-tell-you-about-losing-a-baby/

Those out of the blue days…

Mostly now I can feel myself ever so slowly creeping forward to a place where I might just be able to move on, to move forward from this. Not that it will ever not be a part of me, but I cannot and will not let my past define me. I am a mother yes, … Continue reading Those out of the blue days…

More links and resources 

http://www.momjunction.com/articles/ways-to-heal-your-body-after-a-miscarriage_00350190/?amp=1 http://www.momentsaday.com/15-lessons-learned-from-miscarriage/ http://mobile.nytimes.com/2013/08/04/opinion/sunday/the-trauma-of-being-alive.html?referer=http://www.momentsaday.com/15-lessons-learned-from-miscarriage/ http://www.withtearsoflove.com/?m=1 http://www.scarymommy.com/things-learned-after-recurrent-miscarriage/ http://www.scarymommy.com/sister-miscarriage/?utm_source=FB http://www.stylist.co.uk/life/miscarriage http://www.thedarlingdays.com/honor-a-baby-lost-through-miscarriage/ http://www.thedarlingdays.com/honor-a-baby-lost-through-miscarriage/ https://www.momschoiceawards.com/blog/three-things-i-wasnt-expecting-to-grieve-in-the-midst-of-recurrent-pregnancy-loss/comment-page-1/#comment-766?utm_source=pinterest&utm_medium=pinterest_pin&utm_campaign=pinterest_blog Kelly Farley’s book Grieving Dads: To the Brink and Back. The film Return to Zero

Coping quotes 9

A little somthing for the fathers. Christian/faith based sentiment. Still sweet.

Resources for men

There isn't enough support regarding men and their experience with miscarriage, so I did a little research and came up with this  This will take you to the google search  Men and miscarriage leaflet the miscarriage association: online leaflet Cosmopolitan magazine article An article form the site 'the art of manliness' is available here. 'Baby centre' … Continue reading Resources for men

Little turnip…

You take your joy when you can get it in times like these, and today my joy was, of all things turnips. I got the app notification which now tells me how many weeks along I would have been, rather than tracking a pregnancy.  I originally deleted it to save myself heartache, yet I found more … Continue reading Little turnip…

Dinosaur hat

Morrison's baby section, lovingly placed opposite the self service till which I frequent regularly now interups what used to be a calming and enjoyable lunchtime sabbatical. When I'm getting my lunch it never fails to find new ways of stabbing me in the tender spot where my heart is still trying to stitch itself back … Continue reading Dinosaur hat

Family tree

​I don't believe in heaven  Yet still I talk to you I think that you can hear me, I hope that it is true. You are my precious baby. I'll love you all my life, Though we never got to hold you, and the pain cuts like a knife. Talking makes it less like I … Continue reading Family tree

Time travel

​If I could go back to myslef in those early days of pregnancy, when I was in the middle of the whirlwind. I don't know what I would have said, or in all honesty what could have been done differently. But I know exactly what I would say to muself as I sat on the … Continue reading Time travel

Rising panic

The feeling of panic I get when I think that I may never have kids is difficult to explain. All my life I have planned for children; the 'Kids rooms' and 'Child care' boards on pinterest didn't start with the positive pregnancy test, nor did the obsession with babies and children. I love them, I … Continue reading Rising panic

Thoughts after miscarriage 

While my pregnancy may not have made a baby, it did make a mother.  I became a mother as soon as I suspected I was pregnant, the test just confirmed what I knew in my heart. From that moment, dispite the rising panic, I felt this huge surge of love that I could never have … Continue reading Thoughts after miscarriage 

Christmas survival post 12.am

Boxing day Hallelujah. We made it. Love and support always.  Surviving Miscarriage Together  Zoe x

Christmas survival post 11.pm

Christmas survival post 9.pm